Emotional healing and happiness in the couple relationship

Nadia Cupşa

What healthy love means?
True love is that feeling that fulfills our being, that makes us free and happy, and the opposite is unhealthy love - that harmful feeling that to love means to suffer.
A healthy love relationship is one in which along with the other, you feel better and happier than if you were alone.  Is the relationship in wich you step along on the path of self-knowledge. We could say that a couple relationship is a great spiritual adventure that we live together.

The key to a healthy relationships we have is in the following quote "Love the others as yourself" (The Bible, Leviticus 19.18), ie healthy love always starts from self love.

In some cases, those who are in an unhealthy relationship, even if they understand that the couple relationship they are in is not what they want, they still find it difficult to stop and say no, even the more they will notice that the person they are in a relationship with is incompatible, insensitive or unavailable the more they become unable to give it up and they tend to turn their love and ardent desire into addiction (because of fear of separation, abandonment, loneliness).

How past relationships determines patterns into our present relationships?
Behind these dependencies are reproducing stereotypes learned from childhood in parent-child relationship. As adults, from the desire to overcome these conditionings of life, we unconsciously attract such relationships until this cliché can be mastered.

What signals emits a person with such emotional trauma? How is it that they enter into a relationship again and again with the same kind of people? Two factors operating here faithfully such as: perfect compatibility between her and his models and the impulse to re-create and overcome painful models of the past.

Unfortunately this is the preamble to a long string of relationships inscribed into an destructive array, full of disappointments and emotional trauma. This kind of relationship if it is not stopped in time can lead to emotional health endangerment and even physical health.

Because of biological and cultural factors, it was observed that the way the woman are searching to solve relational problems is an internal and personal one (spirituality, self-awareness) and for men is external, impersonal (hobbies, sports, career).

Important steps in the process of emotional healing
The recovery process for solving emotional and relational healing may take years. It takes time for love-addiction carried to the suffering to turn into a healthy and mature love based on fulfillment, happiness and reciprocity.

The steps are simple and easy to do, though at first may seem difficult. Each step is very important and I mention them here in chronological order:

1. Awareness – the fact that you realize the repetitive cliché and then appears the desire to do something to improve your relationships.

2. Search aid - it involves doing something, a first step in action. In most cases the spontaneous tendency is to reconsider personal relationship with the divine. At this stage appears the quest for understanding the events. If you feel you can not cope with the emotional load alone, then it is recommended that you ask the help of a psychotherapist, or to open yourself to a support group of personal development group.

3. E important that the objective of emotional healing to become a priority in your life. Whatever is your action plan that you have chosen in the previous step, be it the prayer, the programming with a psychotherapist or attending a support group, give it a major importance in your life. Your soul is in the stage where it needs to reconnect to the energies of love and forgiveness. By this reconnection the wounds of your soul are getting healed, your view over life, over your own being and on others around becomes creative, transfiguring and full of love.

4. The perseverence – The inner decision to keep going until you succeed in what you have proposed to yourself.

5. The improvement of the spiritual component through daily exercise.

6. Stopping the tendencies of control or manipulation of others - attaches less importance to what the other one is doing and start giving more importance to your own life.

7. Stopping the tendencies to enter the circle of victimization – do not let yourself  caught in the game and start using time and energy into a constructive purpose.

8. Facing bravely the problems and defects that you have – using the force idea: "I love and accept myself as I am."

9. The cultivation of  beneficent needs which will begin to emerge and develop your inner forum.

10. The amplification of self-esteem - feeling that you are truly important primarily for you and that you can say "yes" or "no" according to thy soul.
11. Sharing  your experience and lessons of life that you had - your example can motivate many human beings to find the courage to break away from the mesh of suffering, to find hope and power to choose happiness and love that we all deserve.

 

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