Psychological evaluation test for relational intelligence

by Nadia Cupsa

What is relational intelligence?
Relational intelligence indicates us the starting point on the scale of relational abilities and can be measured by the quality of the relationships we establish with important people from our life, either we refer to the couple relationship or the relationship with yourself. Neither the cognitive intelligence nor the emotional one are not enough for the quality of a relationship. They are necessary and important, but not enough.

According to Jacques Salome, a person has a high Relational Coefficient when he/she establishes relationships full of energy, creativity and at the same time stimulating with the others and with himself/herself. A low Relational Coefficient characterizes a being who establishes relationships that consume him/her from the energetic point of view or has toxic relationships, toxic for the others as well as for himself/herself.

Here appears a paradox: although it takes at least two to establish a relationship, being relationally intelligent does not depend on the other, but it is our own responsibility and freedom.

It is enough if one of the participants in the relationship acts intelligently from the relational point of view for the relationship to take a good turn. The first step in increasing our Relational Intelligence is to identify the level at which we are in this moment.

Evaluation test for relational intelligence
Read the statements below and note after each statement the figure corresponding to your sincere answer. At the end calculate the sum of all the scores and you will see in which category you fit from the point of view of relational intelligence. You give the points as follows:

Never – 1
Seldom – 2
Occasionally – 3
Often – 4
Very often – 5

1. I am interested in what I communicate to my lover through my love.
2. I initiate daily conversations with my lover regarding the plans for that day.
3. I plan events and activities that bring us pleasure and during which we can amuse ourselves and we can play together (without children).
4. I initiate remembering beautiful or special experiences that have drawn us nearer.
5. I plan special dates, so that we can spend time together.
6. I initiate daily conversations with my lover concerning those domains/ subjects that arouse in me feelings of sadness or anger.
7. I initiate daily conversations with my lover concerning the aspects he has experienced and I have experienced on that day.
8. I listen to what my lover is telling me about all the aspects of his/her life.
9. I initiate discussions about the conflicts that have remained unsolved.
10. I initiate discussions about aspects that seem difficult to be discussed.
11. I am open to my lover regarding the fears that I have in my life.
12. I initiate discussions about the things that my lover is dreaming of.
13. I am open to my lover regarding the secrets from my past.
14. I am honest concerning the differences of opinion between me and my lover.
15. I express my gratitude to my lover for his fulfilling my needs.
16. I compliment my lover whenever he fulfills different tasks in my place.
17. I plan events and parties in which also other couples take part.
18. During conflicts with my lover I have the capacity to control my anger/fury and frustration.
19. I avoid despiteful remarks and other negative remarks in our relationship.
20. My lover feels that I care about him/her and that I realize when he/she is suffering. 21. I am aware of my affective needs what concerns my relationship with my lover.
22. I communicate honestly with my lover about my affective needs.
23. I plan recreative activities that we can do together.
24. I take my lover by his/her hand.
25. I initiate walks together with my lover.

Interpretation of the test
Between 45 – 89 points, low level of relational intelligence. Your couple relationship is blocked at the first level of intimacy. It is very probable that you do not know your personal and relational needs, but you expect your lover to fulfill them. It is possible that you have an unconstructive habit of making despiteful remarks and other negative remarks in your couple relationship.
During the conflicts with your lover you do not have the capacity to control your fury and frustration and you have a tendency to leave relational conflicts unsolved, waiting that the passing of the time should solve them. You do not have time and patience to listen to the other and many times you prefer to do other things while he/she is trying to communicate with you (for ex. watch TV, play on the computer, etc.).
When you have problems, you have the tendency to isolate yourself and never ask for help. You do not express your fears that you confront yourself with in your live and you even avoid closeness (intimacy) of any kind, because it kind of scares you. To you it seems normal that the other one should fulfill tasks in your place. A group therapy for knowing yourself would help you a lot to discover yourself.

Between 90 – 149 points, medium level of relational intelligence. In your couple relationship there is a pretty good level of intimacy and your conflicts have the role to teach you lessons. During your conflicts with your lover you have the capacity to control your fury and frustration.
Although many times you do not know how to express your affectivity, you are open to learn. You do not really know very well your affective needs, but if you discover them, you aim to communicate them to your lover. Maybe you really do not know the love language of your lover, but you aim to find out what your love communicates to him and you learn how you can make him/her happy.
Your couple relationship is for you an excellent way to know yourself. Yet you have in your past some taboo subjects, that you are not ready to communicate about. A group therapy for personal development would help you a lot to discover and to increase your self trust and your emotional intelligence.

Between 150 – 225 points, high level of relational intelligence. In your couple relationship you enjoy excellent harmony, happiness, fulfillment and intimacy, which makes you always evoke beautiful moments from your relationship and thus you constantly maintain your love alive.
Your interest in the happiness and well being of both you and your lover and of your relationship is always awake. You aim to solve conflicts from their incipient phase in order to defuse them in the bud. You listen to what your lover is communicating to you and thus you transmit him/her that you care about him/her and that you are preoccupied with his well being and happiness.
You communicate to your lover your personal and relational needs and you express your appreciation and gratitude for everything that is good and beautiful about your lover and your relationship. You give and receive freely affectivity, passionateness and spontaneity in your couple relationship. You are creative and you make nice surprises to the other one. Your couple relationship enjoys a healthy and invigorating humour.
You have all the qualities necessary for experiencing a love relationship like in the fairy tales. A group therapy for personal development could help you discover yourself and perfect yourself and even help others by sharing them your experience.

 

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