Solutions for the couple's impasse


Solutions for couples at an impasseShe starts to get annoyed by the way that he leaves his cloths around the house, his anger to have the control of the remote control, the evening silence that replaced the beginning surprises and passion. He just cannot stand hearing her talking more than 5 minutes. They need to acknowledge: something got lost on the way. What happened? Let' look and decipher some of the “classical” situations.

We fall in love. The joy is sweeping us of our feet, we live in the imponderability. It is enough to think of him/her and we are melting. A look, a touch, our heart is overwhelmed, the reality changes colors and the seventh haven seams more close than ever. The time is passing, love is growing, it transforms and it transform us in ways that we couldn't imagine in the beginning.

But it comes a moment when the relationship reaches a dead end. After one year, after two or maybe after five...

“ We were together since a year” confesses Mariana S. “when Costin decided to attend a group for personal development. In the beginning I was trilled and happy for him. He was rapidly gaining more force, determination, will power. But, nevertheless, I had the feeling that he's going away from me. He was not sharing anything with me anymore even if with his group colleagues he seemed eager to talk for hours. I felt pushed away, useless and in the same time guilty that I criticize him and I react selfishly.”

“I left for several months abroad” says also Dorina B. “I was married with Alin for three years. It seemed like nothing can compromise the affection between us. But the completely new environment to which I had to get accustomed to, with so different people and situations that I had to handle transformed me a lot. Of course, we were talking on the phone very often but when I returned home I was astonished of what abyss was opening between us. He didn't seem to acknowledge it. He was acting like I was missing just for two days and he was still seeing in me the same Dorina that he knew.”

Situations like this can be simply called “fake impasse” of “fake end”. A true love will not easily be erased just because one of the lovers explores new facets of their personality. After all, this is what we talk about, evolution, transformation. If after their experiences one captures new energies, different ones, the other will get enriched. To what use is to oppose the new? It's worth to open up towards the other one with the empathy “at maximum”. If a person transforms it is likely that also the love that offers gains a new shape. But this doesn't mean that the love disappeared. What can help in situations like this? To understand that nothing lasts forever “Eternal is just the transformation”


Super-glue lovers
There are also situations in which the love between two faded away, most of the times from lacking a real compatibility, noticed after “the honeymoon” finishes. Falling in love is a cocktail of love, erotic attraction and fascination of the new. On top of that is sometimes added a generous topping of self-delusion about the loved one. Because of him the so called delusions are producing. Despite the bitter taste, this are very healthy because they mark the end of the illusions.

Also, our relationships appear due to our personal relationship karma. This is why is possible that at a certain moment this can easily fade away. If, honestly, the couple doesn't bring anything constructive it's much better to break it. After all, the relationship is not a purpose in itself. It is, in the happiest case, a tool with whom we reach closer to the true power of love. When the couple consumed its resources it's easily visible. It's very much counting on both of their intentions, what they want to choose. Because also in the case that one's ego (or even of both lovers) will struggle a little, in between them it will set a warm state of friendship.

How we detach from the thought that our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship finished? We meditate upon the proverb: “Only what has no beginning has no end.”


The ivy and the oak
The most frequent impasse situations that are being lived by couples are due to the dependence. When one of the lovers is carrying in the back the other one. The dependency is manifesting  more on one-two levels – out of seven with which the being is being endowed: vitality, sexuality, will power, affection, “I cannot live without you!”... As verse in a romantic ballad, sound good. But as a remark coming from the loved one it should concern us...

Exists also more complex situations of double dependency when, to make matters worse!, the couple has an amazing stability because the principle of the toothed wheels is applying: where you don't have, I have, where I don't have, you have. The balance is yet fragile and still is not a situation to be desired.

How, from where is everything starting? “The dependents” are wrong from the start. Before being in a relationship the couple sighs: “If I was to have a boyfriend/girlfriend it would be so good! I would find fulfillment! Like this...what can I do?” They wait that the other one comes and solves their problems. That the other one takes upon themselves the responsibility of mutual evolution. To be the oak where they, as the ivy, can grow, rising happily towards the sun.

The solution, put into words, is simple: be yourself an oak! Shake off the weaknesses, strengthen your spine, take your evolution into your own hands.

And think of the quote: “The ones who have no reason to be together also have no reason to separate.”


When closeness is fusion
The couple is indeed the meeting between two free spirits. The spiritual traditions are saying that the man and the woman are not blindly contemplating each other but they walk aside one another, looking together forward.

For the seekers of a full life fulfillment the love relationship is more than a terminus station or a free of charge resting place. It's a royal path towards inner excellency.

In the profound love, in the true fusion and not just the imagined one the lovers are entering again in communion with the heart of the existence, right through the couple's heart, when they become “one”. Resonance is the phenomenon that makes possible the connection between them. Sometimes is spontaneous but it can also be awakened, amplified consciously.


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