Guide for the women in love

by Lidia Butu

We are looking for the ideal love, for the ideal relationship
Sometimes we experience failures or, at most, warm love and relationships. And when „it does not work anymore”, we blame always the other because he does not love us enough, because he did not meet our expectatios. But is love even expecting something in return?       
I fell in love. When I walk I feel like floating, I smile to people I barely know, and his face appears more often in my mind than the question: „What should I wear tomorrow?”. It is clear. I fell in love head over heals.
We know each other from long time ago, only that until now we did not have the courage to come close to each other. We met each other last night and it was worth it. For the first time. It was exactly how I always wanted. But, unavoidable, at a certain moment he left, I left. And here it is already... today.

Did you meet again your soulmate?
I woke up in the morning drunk with the memory of those moments, and his image appears surprisingly everywhere for me. I am happy, I am content, I am calm. It was exactly how I imagined. I realize that with each minute that passes I fall in love more and more. And it is so good! Hey! Wait a moment. Now I realize: he did not ask me my phone number, he did not give me any new date. But he was delighted, I know. He will make me a surprize exactly today.
I am convinced. He will call me or he will come with a large bouquet of flowers or, who knows how, he will bring me even the moon from the sky. And this exactly today. I am convinced. He just enjoyed it so much! Hmm...!
But if he was not so delighted? It`s already noon. He should have called me until now. Just not for nothing he is my soul mate! He would have felt that I think of him. Even telepathically to send him my phone number: 07..., 07..., 07...
And evening has come. Perhaps he was not so charmed. In this case, what do I do? Exactly now, when I fell in love with him? I knew that I shouldn`t allow me to feel something like that. For sure he was not delighted. He should have called me already, we should have made the program for the weekend, for all next week, we should, we should.... No, certainly it`s not the case to fall in love with him. If I will suffer? And as he did not ring yet, certainly I will suffer.

If you do not deceive yourself, you will not be disappointed
I throw myself on the bed and I refuse to fret. One minute is passing, two, ten. I relax and no longer think of anything. Suddently, I remember. All what love learned me until now and the promise which I made to myself. That I will not suffer anymore. Yes, this is very good, but not to suffer does not mean that I am not loving anymore. I understand that I do not want only to be in love with him.

He is the man of my dreams and I want more.
I want to love him. And I let love to flood my soul. Anxiety melts. I realize what I always have felt, but was too afraid to recognize. In order not to suffer. But now I accept.
What? It is simple. That I love his smile, his way to talk to me nonchallantly, his piercing gaze, his voice, his touch, his humor and his intelligence, everything that he means and have excited me for so long. And I start to s|mile. Am I not actually lucky that I love? What am I affraid of? It is true, he did not ask me my phone number and he did not run to my door. Maybe he will do this tomorrow or another day. O maybe never. He was delighted, for sure. Because I felt that. But how could I judge him? I realize that until now it was so easy for me to give up and say that it is only the other one`s fault.

Always choose „while”
But why to deceive myself? Because the true fight just now begins. Not with him. But with me. With my smallness. With the wish to controll everything, with the excessive jealousy, with the disappointment in front of my own delusion. For this I have to fight and I know that the only weapon which I have is love. Which, togheter with the wish to be a better person, to transform myself, will help me to win. Only in this way I can feel free.
And then, I ask myself again: how could I judge him? And why to wait so much from him, why to pretend from him everything that for me feels natural, why to blame him for so many things I am waiting him in vain to do? If I would do so, would it mean that I love him more?
I think again. And I understand. There exists a „before”, exists an „after”, but, most important, exists a „while”. Before last night I had so many hopes, so many expectations. After, I was disappointed, because he did nothing from what I was expecting him to do. But he was all what I wanted. And I was really happy. So then, does not deserve happiness all love in the world?

I choose not to suffer anymore
I choose permanently only the present moment. I deceide to live permanently only „while”. Because only love in the present tense means happiness.
And what if he will not call me neither tomorrow? It is his choice. I already know which is my choice. To love. And, amazingly, I am grateful to him for those unforgettable moments. Maybe there will be other moments. Or maybe not. But in my soul is equally tranquility and love blossoms...

Do not expect something in return, just love
We always want to receive. As much as possible, as fast as possible, as easy as possible. More safety, more trust, more evidence. When things do not happen as we expect, doubt arises: „ If he does not love me anymore?”. And, clearly, we are disappointed. The other one ceases to be „the chosen one”, „ exactly what I was looking for”. Let us stop for a moment and ask ouselves: Does it mean that he loves me less because he does not love me as I want?
We do not realize that in our rush after the ideal lover, we assign and project on each newcomer all our expectations and wishes. How many of us can rise to the standard of perfection? This does not mean anything else just that we fell in love. If it`s only that, inevitably follows dissapointment. But love has nothing to do with all this „mixture”. It does not ask nor expect something in return. Love offers itself and the only direction it goes is upwards. Always.

Success in seven steps
1.    I look with affection at the picture of my lover every time I am going to reproach him that he is not calling me, that he is not bringing me flowers as many times as I want, that he is not telling me „ I love you” every 5 minutes.
2.    I gratefully recall the moments in which I felt without any doubt his sincere love - every time when I am confused and refuse to believe that he loves me.
3.    I have had a meeting in which it seemed to me that he was not so attentive or affective towards me and I am upset and leave him. I repeat to myself one of these affirmations: „I free myself of any anger”. „I free myself of any discontent towards my lover”. „I free myself of the requirement that my lover is behaving always as I wish”. I repeat 15 times in a row the affirmation which I chose. If I am alone I utter it with loud voice, in order to infuse energy and give power to the ideea it expresses. If I am at the office or at home I write it down 15 times. After I feel really easy at heart I think fondly of him.
4.    When I am dissatisfied because he is reacting in another way than I am expecting, in order to free myself of any anger, resentment or tension, I say: „_____ (name) , I bless you and look at you with love.” I repeat this phrase whenever is needed in order that the state of reconciliation and understanding to occur.
5.    I stick on the wall, at sight, delightful suggestions about the couple relationship – because I know that any extra help, in order to make me more aware, is always welcome.
6.    I keep a diary which he will never know about. Here I write down all my grievances; it is better than making him a lot of reproaches, and after regret. Besides, when I read again what I wrote, I can learn from my own mistakes, without suffering anymore because of them.
7.    I propose him to sit quietly face to face, to look at each other holding hands and to feel each other. After a while we close our eyes. In such moments it is not necessary to talk, the intensity of the state is enough for us. All what we hear then is the voice of our love.

 

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