How to Get a Good Grade in Communication (I)

by Robert Leontescu

- Hello Mr. Vasilescu!
- Hello, Mr. Ionescu!
- How are you?
- I’m fine, thanks for asking.
- It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?
- Indeed it is.
- You look very well for your age.
- Thank you.
The two men part. Mr. Vasilescu enters the house with a sullen air. His wife asks:
- What is it, dear, did something happen?
- No, nothing. This knucklehead Ionescu ... He just called me an old man and he thinks he can forecast the weather too...
We humans think of ourselves as very special. No other species on Earth compares with us. We have a natural intelligence with which we created an artificial one. It is true. We are the first to have set foot on the moon and helped a dog to dine in space. It is true. But we are also those who kill each other without the basic motivation: survival. In this case also we stand alone as a species.
In the last 2000 years there were about 3000 wars. It is true. We have exploited the Earth's resources and we have clothed the Earth in a coat of smog accorded by industrial fashion and now our blue orb is ready to blow up because of nuclear threat.
It is true. We are special. I rectify. We are very special. We are not talking here about a group or about a race. No. The main problem it is at the individual level. Each one us thinks we are more special than the other. Even you, who have willingness to give few minutes to read this article, think that you're an extraordinary person, one of a kind.
Be honest and admit that I might be right. You shouldn’t be ashamed. You're not the only one. All my friends are in the same situation.
We are special. I rectify. We are very special. For no particular reason. None of us won The Nobel Peace Prize, none of us discovered electricity nor moved mountains with their faith, but even so we are feeling chosen. Well if we're so special, why can’t we have some special relationships?

Remove the masks!
Even so. With so many great spirits on Earth it comes as a surprise that there are so many problems. The truth is that under the shell of kindness and courtesy is hidden a weapons industry of negative states. On the surface everything seems to be perfect. People are greeting each other cordially, they are visiting each other, and are considered life-long friends, good neighbours, first, second, third degree relatives and so on.
Everything is like in the fairy tales as long as the other does for us what we expect from them. In the moment in which the scenario is not respected; the dark side of the moon comes out. For this to happen it is not necessary for the other to be the perpetrator of a bomb attack. Conflict is reached even from the smallest things: someone delays in greeting you or answers idly, somebody is barging in front of you in the queue at a supermarket, or the smell of frying pervades the whole building, a driver does not allow you in to the traffic or the bicycle horn sounds too loud and too close to you.
Examples may continue endlessly. An insignificant gesture and social masks fall one after another. Our image as a respectable person, full of common sense, loving of our fellow man crumble like a sand castle. Or even faster.

Repression is not a solution
What’s left? What don’t we want to know about or to be known about ourselves? What are we trying to hide from behind our fragile personalities: fear, confusion, gossip, violence, hatred, competition, envy, hatred, jealousy, selfishness, in a word - the unconscious.
Often this is the truth. We smile at everybody, but inside we are tense. We claim that we love in a sublime way, but the sexual instinct controls our lives. We want to be generous, but we can’t let go of the objects when we want to offer them. My statements may seem a bit exaggerated, but life is more real than the movie. Believe me! You would stop and cross yourself if you heard stories from all over the world. When you see how things are, it is only natural to ask: why are we pretending to be Price Charming when on fact we are related to the villain?
First of all because we were told to be like this. From a young age we are taught that certain things are not meant to be done and are not nice. Parents want the best for us. But who can reach these required standards? They are just like us. Who can embrace the boss who screams continuously? Who can make friends with a politician from the opposite camp? It's great to want to become better, more loving, more responsible, but can you? The wish to do so is not one and the same with intended purpose. To aspire to become a millionaire is one thing and sleeping on a mattress of money is something else completely.
What is to be done? I am in a certain way, but I want or I suggest to myself to be different. Sometimes I'm selfish, fearful, jealous, but I know in people's eyes I must appear as friendly, good-natured and full of confidence. What solutions do I have? I want to be good at everything, an example for everyone, but what comes out of me sometimes hardly resembles the ideal of morality proposed by society, and even more so by the spiritual one. So what can I do? I pretend. That's the solution that humanity found.
Many of us pretend that we love, that we work, that we have faith, that we care about others, that we are sympathetic or that we are not afraid of death. We pretend well. Even a little too well. In the basement the garbage piles up, but we are using the aromatherapy lamp.
In a way this method works, but it's only a momentary solution. How would it be to let violence manifest every time you are getting angry? It's not normal. So because of this you control yourself and pretend everything's fine. In this way you manage the problem with other person. But what about you? Inside you continue to boil. And you boil until you erupt again.
This is what happens in generally. The manager yells at the subordinate. The latter gets angry, but resists stoically. Because it’s the boss, right? At home he yells at his wife. She screams at the children. These little one are screaming at the animals in the house. Thus, the cats have hair loss problem due to stress. We laugh and laugh, but the situation in reality is tragic sometimes. So, to be violent is not good, to pretend that you calm is not good either. So what can we do?
(to be continued)

 

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