Be careful what you expect, you could get it

by Elena Godeanu

The Empire strikes back
I met a friend, Claudia, one of the days. She told me: “…do you know that interview that I gave for that job? They hired me. That old grief… you know, with Alex, also passed.” I opened my mouth to congratulate her. I did not manage to utter something. She started immediately to tell me that it is difficult for her to adjust at her workplace and what discussions she has again with her boyfriend.
Does it sound familiar? How many times did you also find yourself in the midst of wishes? In this way you gave birth to suffering. It is not only Claudia `s experience. What until recently seemed to be the key of happiness - “ah, if I would get that job... if the quarrels with the boyfriend would stop… how beautiful life would be!”-  became in record time a great disappointment.
How many times did you not wish something with ardor? How many times did you not believe that after that everything will turn for the better? And how many times your expectations have not been dashed? It is as a wheel which is started and it cannot be stopped. You want something, you give rise to expectations, you receive what you want, you are disappointed, you want something else, you give rise to other expectations, and so on.
Aware or not, most people are prisoners in the empire of expectations.  The expectations are the tyrants which people allow to lead them, the dictators which act in many thousands ways, which control the life of some, every moment. They poison their days. They urge them to be irritated, disoriented, and disappointed. They have such a cunning way to infiltrate in the daily life that they sometimes convince us that without them we cannot manage.
And it`s amazing that, despite the suffering to which they subject us to, most of the times we barely notice them. There are some special kinds of tyrants which somehow remark themselves, but even so, many times we settle just to observe them, we do not do something special to get rid of the control which they exert over us. And there are other ones, a little smaller, which we even don’t remark. Only when we feel disappointed, we realize that we have wished that things would be in another way.

Push the alarm button
Expectations take multiple forms: what you expect from yourself, what the others expect from you, what you expect from the others. They can be big or small, positive or negative, principal or secondary. You expect that the efforts will lead you, exactly at the time you set, to the results which you wish. You expect to have an entire control over all events which happen to you. You expect to have a better life, to have a happy relationship and a prosperous business, as you see them. You expect that, if you behave well, people will recognize that and treat you as such. Everything is firmly decided in your mind.
But if you do not take measures, the expectations become almighty. And what will you do if something from your scheme which you elaborated so thoroughly does not fit? Think for one moment at the sufferance which appears due to those expectations, preconceived ideas, and prejudices.
Push the alarm button. It is the call towards an awakening of the consciousness. Choose to be free. Give yourself a period of time in which you observe yourself. One week, one month, how much you think you will need. Sincerely, be aware of your expectations nature. Observe the way in which their presence is felt in your motivations and actions. Prepare to see the future in another way.

Respond, do not react
A huge freedom overflows when, exactly when life takes another turn, we make the step from reacting to responding.
The first step helps you to make the difference between expectations and possibilities.
The expectations imply a certain result. They are based on the future. They narrow the band of options. They impoverish the imagination. They prevent you to live in the now. They keep you prisoner in a future which can or cannot become reality. They give birth to rigidity and to some impulsive reactions in front of any phenomenon which is perceived as a threat for the future which you believe you deserve.
When man is controlled by expectations, his life is subjected to chance. He cannot be truly free in the present moment. He cannot enjoy a sublime sunset or moments of soul warmth between him and the loved ones. Do you realize that you link yourself with heavy chains when you choose to interpret each experience in the context of the near future? It would be something if you could really control the future, but like this? Why choose to oppose the truth of life and your happiness to pay such a high price?
The possibilities are based on the present moment. Live the experience at maximum.  Guide yourself after your own values. This is reflecting in the preferences you have for the future. But they do not catch you. You remain aware that life has its own course and all you can do is to live most intensively and brightly the present. You are open towards the possibilities which you are offered and you understand that your common wishes are not stable, they are changing with time.
A future which is different from that which you represent mentally at certain moment can bring you an equal happiness, even bigger. Life is too short and it is possible that you will not come to the day in which the future you are looking for which such ardor will become present. So what remains is only to genuinely enjoy what the present moment brings.
Your wellbeing does not depend on the future. You are open and that`s why you are inspired. You are shown the ways of imagination, creativity and intuition. Your mind is pure, does not center on defense mechanisms and so you are capable to take the best decisions. Now you are responding, no longer reacting.
This ability to respond, instead of reacting, is the main difference between those who feel free and those contaminated with the expectation illness. You can catch yourself when you react aggressively towards those around you or towards the modifications which appear and realize that what you do is due to the expectations you had from others or from your life. When you react so, is a sign that you choose the expectations instead of possibilities and now you reap the rewards: you feel disappointed, hurt, lost, angry, defeated.

Stop and from the beginning
The healing process is not always easy, because a lot of obstacles can appear. It is possible that you are one of those who affirm out loud that they do not expect anything from anyone neither regarding daily activities, nor regarding the spiritual life. Those people hide in their soul an intense state of negativity, which cached roots after the disappointments of the past and after the fear of having new expectations. And yet they have a huge wish that things develop in a certain way, just that is not in sight and is accompanied by the refrain: “If I cannot have what I wish, than I want nothing.” This is an attitude of running away from yourself. When you cannot really be yourself, you cannot be sincere with the others. When you deny with all your being that you have an expectation, in reality you close the path of possibilities.
Not letting us tyrannized by expectations does not mean though that we abandon all kind of projects and efforts; we must be more detached, less caught by our vision.
The idea is not to let yourself anymore be controlled by expectations. Pay always attention and when you observe that they caught you, stop and start from the beginning. With confidence. You will make it!

Keep the helm when it is tempest
Many times, you do not need so much calm and quietness, but an inner force in order to maintain yourself in the present moment, even when the mind has just been caught by a tempest. It is not difficult to have a clear mind when things are well and beautiful; the challenge comes when everything around you (or in your mind) seems to go crazy.

Give up, in order to win
A clear mind, a heart full of love and compassion, an empathic openness towards those around you and most of all, a state of full equality in front of the gifts, but also in front of the obstacles which life prepares to you! Does it seem an impossible challenge? Make from it a goal of your life, a goal which has the power to inspire, to orientate you towards the NOW and to maintain you in the NOW. You have nothing to lose. Leave aside the expectations. Do it as well as you can.
The state of freedom will overwhelm you. You can obtain nothing from a mind chock-full of expectations. But you can obtain everything, with effort and perseverance, from a mind ready to give up the expectations, preconceived ideas and prejudices. Only in this way you have access to your own value, to the essence. Only in this way you discover the joy and freedom that do not depend on the circumstances of your life.
When you really are in the now, be quiet: the future takes care of itself.

 

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