Love Story with Yourself (II)

by Emanuela Munteanu

How much you love yourself?
The first step would be to figure out how much you really love yourself. For this you should recognize the child inside of you who needs patience, tolerance, encouragement, love, tenderness ...
Do you offer this to him?
Do you tell him "stories with dragons", about all sorts of things he is going to lose soon, about how unlucky he is or how little chances he has to succeed? It's called pessimism and the inner child becomes sad and depressed for long time.
Do you sometimes explain him in detail the numerous successes of others, which "will never be accessible to him"? The name of this behavior is envy and jealousy, and it makes your inner child lose confidence.
Do you rouse him by always promising new and new pleasures – which, obviously, you cannot offer them forever? This way you wake up his immeasurable appetite that makes your inner child avid and never satisfied.
Sometimes you say your inner child that other people are guilty for his failures and that he should give them a lesson? This way you teach him to hate; and the violence that comes with hate causes the inner child deep wounds.
Also, to "appease" a little the situation, you tell him that it does not matter how much he endures, because he remains the "center of the universe"? Pride that you wake up this way, paradoxically, feeds his complex of inferiority ...
All these harmful habits hurt much less the people around, then those who are practicing them.
If this is the way you still behave with yourself, it means that you do not love yourself enough yet...

The child inside of you needs your love
All other things like – love and appreciation of people around him, all kinds of satisfaction, different ideas and metaphysical theories - will cheer him up for only a short of time.
Periodically he will open his eyes, and he will understand that he did not get what he looked for and will start crying again.
How exactly does it happen? Harsh words in others’ address, reproaches, irony, (physical or verbal) violence, cruelty, indifferent soul, sadness, dissatisfaction, impatience, dispersion – all these are signs, which speak to the others about the crying child inside of you.
A loving relationship between two people who hardly know to love themselves is like a narrow bridge over an abyss.
Each of the two hopes that the other will succeed the miracle to fill the gap - to give him as much as to relieve the need to discover and love himself. Obviously, it's just an illusion...
When I do not love myself I will always need more and more evidence of love for the other person. If he does not offer them to me I will consider normal to get angry.
If he offers me a lot, but I do not really feel that I deserve so much, I will think that he is mistaken, and he is quite a naive person and his love will start to suffocate me...
In fact, I will never be able to get from others more than I am able to offer myself.
On the contrary, when we bring in our relationships the state of fulfillment, which comes from a true love of ourselves, the interaction that is established starts on the entirely different level.
It is no longer the "hunger of love" that makes the interaction with the other to be an absolute and painful necessity, but the outpouring of overflow.
Thus, "giving" and "receiving" acquire a new meaning. When I release the other from the "obligation" to heal my wounds caused by insufficient love for myself, I leave him time to enjoy love.

What happens when you really love?
You are almost always enjoying a perfect health.
You practically never have accidents, not even the kind of "silly incident" that leaves behind bruises, scratches and other signs of "good behavior".
You do not argue with others (even in your mind) and if you need to sustain your point of view you do it with calmness, kindness, tolerance and firmness.
That state of avidity disappears, which makes you spend your life always looking for something (boyfriend, movie, dinner, holiday, money, etc).
You often live an inner state of transparency and brightness, on which background thoughts and feelings are calmly appearing with no confusion or inner conflicts.

Love and discover yourself indeed
To make peace with yourself, in a way full of lucidity and love, is the first step towards authentic self-knowledge, which brings together the most sublime heights parts of the personality and the darkest depths of it.
If you do not really love yourself you will never have the strength to look yourself in the face, just as you are - HUMAN – fallible, falling to temptations, but also capable to reflect in your heart the Greatness of the Whole.

 

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